Let Me Share My Story
My life before my 30’s has been a constant journey of being pulled out of my power, of falling into expectations placed on me and following what I “should” be doing, rather than what I knew deep down was the right thing to do.
I had an amazing upbringing- I was a healthy baby, born into a loving family with a Mum, a Dad and an Older Brother.
Somewhere along the way, things changed. My older brother became my bully and someone I feared. My family were rocked by divorce. My world shattered into 2 with my parent’s separating across countries during my teenage years. I felt lost and I tried to run away from my problems with all the bad things that teenagers’ experiment with.
It seemed to settle down in my final years of High School with me staying in 1 place, making a home in Australia and achieving fantastic results at school, giving myself the opportunity to apply and be accepted into University. It seemed life was settling for the young teenager that was so unsettled for so many years.
Then 18 hit and it seemed like the negative distractions started to take me away from life again. In such a transition period from teenager to adult, I didn’t know who I was and I didn’t know who I wanted to become. I was staying in this limbo of living for the weekend’s and for the escapes of life.
Through thinking- “I need to sort my life out”, I found myself attaching my worth to a relationship. This love, although had the power to pull me out of the partying scene, it had me thinking for the future ahead. By 22 we were married. By 25 he was having an affair and we were divorced in 2013.
I suffered an incredible heartache that closed my heart up- not just to the world, but to myself also. As I shut-down, the theme of distraction crept in, though this time with a sport that became a saving grace. I threw myself into competing in Crossfit- into the challenge of training morning and night, of chasing down the goal to make top 50 in Australia. I was dedicated. My whole life revolved around this challenge. I was on track.
After hitting 67th in 2018, I ramped up my training even more.
I pushed myself through fatigue. I silenced my mind and my body every time it told me to rest. I had a goal to achieve and I wasn’t going to stop until I achieved it.
During a holiday I took in the September holidays of 2018, I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t force myself to go to a gym or to continue following my training routine.
I just thought- I’ll take this break and I’ll get back into it when I get back home.
Day 8 on my 12-day solo-trip, I was walking down the beach in Kiama, NSW and I saw a beautiful section of rocks. I sat there with my journal and a pen and began reflecting. Then all of a sudden, tears welled up in my eyes and I sobbed as I wrote:
“I’m scared. I’m scared to open my soul again for it to be crushed. I want to feel the freedom to express it again as my true self and my true calling but I feel right now that that’s a vulnerable position to be in. To fully open your soul and to share the caves deep within with all the layers peeled back is a truly vulnerable position and to have my heart broken in a million different pieces before- to then open up and allow someone else to do that is scary as hell! I’m now at a point where I need to break the chains of this prison like bond this fear has over me!”
Only then did I notice how closed off I truly was. How I was allowing the distractions of life to pull me away from my true knowing. It was this moment that I quit competitive training, I quit my life as I knew it and I listened to me!
I decided to no longer let the fear hold me back and control me and I’ll continue with this commitment to myself. Now that I’m on my journey of setting myself free, it’s calling me to not let others sit in their pain alone.
I will be vulnerable with you because I can be vulnerable with me.
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I Love Personal Growth. I Love It When I Have People Say To Me – “Because of You, I Can..” I Want You To Feel Like You Can.
Through creating a safe environment, I want you to discover those versions of you that you’re hiding away from the world. From the moment you step into my space, I want you to feel like you can freely express what is deep within you and know that you will be understood. I want to tap into my intuition, to my experience and make you feel so welcomed in your place in this world.
We may not move all the mountains or break down all the walls you’ve put up around you, but I can guarantee you’ll have my commitment to help in absolutely any way that I can.
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